Motivation - The Eternal Struggle

Recently I have found myself uncharacteristically annoyed with my lack of motivation. The reason I am frustrated is because there are certain things I have always loved doing (i.e. surf, run, shoot photography), but recently I have somehow found a way to almost entirely remove them from my free time exploits.

What the hell?

SURFING
I have been surfing since I was 13 years old. When I was in high school, I surfed every day, sometimes twice a day for four years, and it is no secret to any of you who know me (and especially that have had the experience of sitting on a board in the water with me) that surfing is the single most relaxing thing in my life (this may become a post in itself later - surfing serenity). I could never catch a wave for a whole session and still have an incredible day (and believe me, those days have happened). My surfboard is now a piece of free-standing wall decor in my bedroom corner, and I have surfed maybe 3 times in 2009. So how do I explain the fact that one of the things I love to do most, I have let fall completely by the wayside? I guarantee you any explanation I try and offer will not be a legit excuse. My biggest "excuse" is that I have moved to a place that is further from the beach than I have ever been in my life. But that is a relative statement, seeing as it would take me 20 minutes or so to get to beach. This is a matter of me being spoiled and missing the days of 2-minute car rides to Ponto/Grandview/Swami's. Other excuses include less time after work (so why don't I surf before or on weekends?), and less friends to surf with (I enjoy surfing alone, so that's bogus).

RUNNING
I have been running since before high school. I ran track. I ran during college. I started running when I came back to SD from college. But within the last two years, my love affair with running has come to a screeching halt. And it has nothing to do with liking running. It is strictly a matter of sitting at home and saying "I could put running shoes on right now, or I could cook some dinner and relax...". I really hate this. I am starting to be disappointed in myself, which is never a good thing.

PHOTOGRAPHY
And then there is photography. I have been interested in photography for quite some time, but only within the last 2-3 years have I become serious about wanting to shoot regularly and improve the quality of my work. Right now, photography is the only thread I am still hanging on to, but barely. I will still get up on a weekend and decide just to drive wherever my car takes me and shoot whatever my camera lens aims. But even this is no longer a guaranteed phenomenon. I still require some internal coaxing to make it happen.

And therein lies the problem. I, for some reason, am needing to be convinced that it is something I should be doing. Apparently "want" is no longer the driving force in my thought process, which is sad. I need to get back to what it is I love to do, why it is I love it...and just go do it. I have fallen into the extremely unhealthy rut of passively denying myself the joys of life that I so passionately cherish. You would think that statement alone would motivate me to get my ass outside and buck the trend.

So what is it? It is my life-long battle with motivation and personal accountability. Now, I would consider myself an extremely responsible, driven person. But for some reason, when it comes to my own personal well-being and enjoyment, I somehow let that stuff take a backseat, thanks to a bizarre passive attitude I have developed. What's worse is that I am aware of this problem, and yet I am still letting it happen.

People reading this will say, "Well, just get up and go do it." And to those of you thinking that...you are absolutely right. I have no argument with your logic. That is exactly what I should be doing. Surprisingly, writing or addressing your problems often gives you a new perspective on what otherwise may have seemed like a beaten-horse issue. And that's what this post has done...reminded me of how UTTERLY RIDICULOUS this new trend is, and how I need to shake it fast.

THE REMEDY
So now what? I have decided to try and hold myself accountable again. But not to the point where I feel I am forcing these activities...I just want to give myself the opportunity to do them again. So, here's the plan (and I would be more than happy if any of you decide to follow up with this and continue to encourage this process):

1) I will surf at least once/week. It will probably be weekends, but I do not want to limit my options.

2) I will run at least 3 times/week. I know, lame goal to some of you runners out there, but I need the consistency of a routine to get me started.

3) I will never put my camera down. Any opportunity I get, I will shoot something new. I am going to start putting together day-trips for myself, pointing out places I'd like to go experiment shooting (like my old days of Coronado, La Jolla Shores, Zoo, etc.).

Sounds like a bunch of poppy-cock, doesn't it? Marc writes a blog post, and by the end of it he now has a renewed lease on life and his personal joys? That's rich, I know. The obvious question now is...will I follow up?

There's only one way to find out. And I'm excited to see.