Marc's Endless Sports Rants

First off, I apologize to any of you non-sports fans out there reading this (although I think we all know that the total number of people reading this is smaller than the loyal fan base of NBC's "Parks & Recreation"...man that show blows). This post is just me ranting and raving about sports...And this is definitely just the tip of the iceberg in terms of things that do/don't annoy me. It's just what is on my mind today.

The Things that Drive Me Bonkers

1) Run hard to first base on a groundball. Holy hell. I don't care how much money Albert Pujols, Adrian Gonzalez or Ryan Howard is making in the big leagues...you run all the way through that base.
2) Is it just me, or has the NFL's overall tackling ability gone to hell in the past 3-4 years?
3) Why is it that Wide Receivers are now the most-talked about OFF-THE-FIELD athletes in sports? They are babies who can't catch a ball without wearing iso-toners. Gimme a break.
4) Calling all outfielders - Use two hands to catch the damn ball in your glove. Period.
5) Every time I see a soccer player flop on the ground with a fake injury to instigate a yellow card after virtually no human contact, I secretly wish the ref kicks him in the groin to keep him down there.
6) The NBA is just one big double-dribble. Point guards get away with murder. John Stockton is probably turning in his graving...oh wait...he is still alive? Sign him up Utah!
7) Palming is not a legal dribbling move...so stop it. The basketball is not a tray of wine.
8) Baseball players who chew tobacco - You're on national television, inflicting potentially countless forms of cancer upon yourself in front of impressionable youth ball players that have no other wish than to BE YOU...if you don't like it, choose a different profession.
9) Contrary to popular belief, baseball hats are NOT food. So stop folding them in half like tacos or leaving them uncurled like flat pancakes. You take the hat, you naturally curve it with the palms of your hands so each end bends to the side slightly. Not that hard people.
10) Baseball players who confuse their uniform pants with kids footsie pajamas. Manny Ramirez, CC Sabathia, Khalil Greene (that's right, you just got a Khalil Greene reference)...shape up. You wear those pants about 3 inches below the knee, and wear some high socks old school style baby!
11) Team Carousels - I mentioned this in an earlier blog post - but man, why can't NBA teams have the same returning 5 starters every year? And MLB have the same 5-man rotation? Ugh, it's hard to follow teams anymore...we just follow our players.

Things that (surprisingly) Don't Drive Me Bonkers (some of these may surprise you)

1) I like touchdown celebrations...if they are well-rehearsed, topical, and creative (I know majority of you will disagree with this one...but I love a good dance move)

2) I don't mind the backwards baseball cap in NON-GAME settings. As long as you wear your hat straight forward - no sideways crap - in the game, I don't care what you wear outside of the game. Ken Griffey, Jr. revolutionized the backwards hat when he would wear it in the mid-90's Home Run Derbies. He is the reason you will see my hat backwards time to time.

3) Hockey Fights - Anyone that grew up watching Mighty Ducks II knows how important fighting is to hockey. Just remember what Russ Tyler's brother taught Ken Wu on the streets! "Stick. Gloves. Shirt."

4) Players ACCEPTING big contracts. I emphasize accepting because although I have a huge problem with what players get paid, I do not blame them for ACCEPTING a team's offer. When Alex Rodriguez was presented an offer of $252 million by the Texas Rangers, what was he gonna say, "Uh, geez guys. That's an awful lot of money. Could you cut that in half please?"! No! I'd take the money too, if it was offered to me. I'm not saying he should have been OFFERED that money...and trust me, there is a blog rant coming about sports salaries, don't you worry.

Things I'm Torn About

1) Tennis Grunting - It takes a decent amount of effort to run down and hit a tennis ball as hard as the pros do. I have no problem with loud exhaling that may come off as a small "grunt". However, the borderline orgasmic (or pained) sounds women like Martina Hingis or Serena Williams make have no place in professional tennis. I'm not being sexist, I just haven't heard Andy Roddick or Roger Federer "enjoy" themselves that much on the court recently.

2) Talking in Third Person -Normally, this would immediately fall into the "Things That Drive Me Bonkers" category, but I have one exception...Ricky Henderson. I could listen to that numskull talk in 3rd person, all day, every day. Sometimes I think he forgets he is even talking about himself. Pure entertainment.

3) Quarterback Protection Rules - Alright, I get some of the rules that protect quarterbacks from losing their heads and limbs when they are helpless. But last I checked, their name is on the football roster...which means they are a football player. You get your butt pounded just like the guys blocking ahead of you. If you stay in the pocket and wait for a bit before getting rid of that ball, you ask for it. So unless you're a behemoth like JaMarcus Russell, or can stay ahead of the pack like the old Michael Vick (pre-jail time), you better get used to some bumps and bruises when I become commissioner of the NFL...

4) 9th Inning Closer Introductions - these are getting a little out of hand. I grew up in the glory years of Trevor Hoffman running in from center field while the crowd rocked out to "Hells Bells". These were some of the most magical sports moments in my short sports-infused life. However, it is too common now. It is a performance. And they give it to some guys that don't deserve the pomp and circumstance (yet, at least). I like Heath Bell, but he doesn't deserve his own entrance music and video in San Diego. ESPECIALLY coming on the heels of Trevor.

That's it...for now. Man, I am starting to sound like an old curmudgeon.