Did We Learn a Different English Language?

So we all have our vices. We all have our things that do well. And we all have things that drive us absolutely up the wall. And for those of you out there reading this that are guilty of the following linguistic crimes...you're killin' me.

Listed below are the two linguistic offenses we will address today:

1) We have a fully functional English language. We do not need to make up new words.
2) Words have proper pronunciations. Use them.

*I should also preface this by saying that I, myself, have at some point been guilty of both of these offenses. However, upon learning I was violating these two colloquial codes of conduct, I quickly altered my speech to reflect the correct change. MY VIOLATION - I thought the correct phrase was "for all intensive purposes". Then it was explained to me that the phrase is "for all intents and purposes." I felt like an idiot. Then I got over it. So my goal here is not to bash and embarrass...it is to enlighten and hopefully correct some common misconceptions about the English Language.

Issue #1 - We have a fully functional English language. We do not need to make up new words.
This is not a rant about words like Bootylicious, Dank, and Dope making their way into every day language. This is about words and phrases that people actually think are real words and phrases, but in reality are totally made up.

Here are three examples to illustrate my point:
-irregardless
-run a tight shift
-spitting image

Hopefully (but not likely) all of you realize that none of those are real words or phrases. Let me say that again...

"IRREGARDLESS IS NOT A WORD!" Ya got it? Holy hell, I got annoyed just typing that word. The word is REGARDLESS...irregardless is not a word. Don't say that word, ever.

I won't go into long detail about the other two, but here's a brief explanation. It is "run a tight ship" (not shift), and "spit and image", (not spitting). However, if you're wondering where that second phrase came from, there is a good explanation here.

Issue #2 - Words have proper pronunciation. Use that.
If I took the time to write out the laundry list of mispronounced words, my blog would eerily resemble the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, so I will limit the list to those that have the nail-on-the-chalkboard effect on me.

Mispronounced words (with ACTUAL word/pronunciation in parentheses):
-supposably (supposedly)
-excape/expecially/expresso - there is no friggin "X", ok?!
-sherbert (sher-BET)
-bowlth (both)
-cran (cray-on)
-mere (mirr-or)
-nucular (nuc-lee-er)

Again, just typing these words puts me on edge. My mom still says "both" wrong...with that damn "L" sound. I understand "crayon" is not an easy word to say immediately, but it is because we are all lazy as hell and don't take the time to ENUNCIATE OUR WORDS...they have syllables...use them.

I know, I know...I need a life. But who needs a life...when you have a blog?