I Wish I Could....

Some realistic (and not-so-realistic) things I wish I could do:

1) Cartwheel - I have always wanted to bust out this celebratory move, but alas, I am cartwheel-inept. My version is some off-balance, limb-flailing spasm that never gets full leg extension and almost certainly ends in a round-off. My lanky-ass might have problems with this for years to come.

2) Two-Finger Whistle - No, this isn't some sick adult movie trick. I have always wanted to be able to do that really LOUD, obnoxious whistle where you put your fingers in your mouth and let 'er rip. However, this is not to be used at a sporting event as a frequent form of cheering (once or twice is okay). I would use this camping or when I'm trying to get someone's attention.

3) Spin on My Head - No real explanation here other than I watch way too much BET.

4) Blow Bubbles with My Tongue - D'uh. Who wouldn't? I have no problem getting the bubble on my tongue. My problem is the successful release from the tastebuds into the air without it bursting.

5) Meet Jim Carrey - I would have a field-day with this guy. You think I imitate him NOW? Just imagine if I had a day with him. I'd be sssssmokin!

6) Make Roller-Blading Cool Again - No secret here. Marc likes the rollerblades. C'mon people, you know you wanna do it!

7) Grow a Butt - I would really like to see something between my thighs and my back. I'm like the anti-Beyonce: she's Bootylicious, I'm Bootyless.


So there it is folks. Just imagine how cool I would be if those things were possible. Maybe too cool for words?