Chop-Logic

Since I have not posted regularly in a while, I obviously have let a ton of topics go by without adding my commentary. That being said, I figured I'd devote this time to share with you all the random topics, news, thoughts, experiences and ideas that have come through my head recently. I will be smoothly transitioning from one topic to the next, so keep up!

WHITNEY HOUSTON
Man, she had some pipes, didn't she? I mean, she could belt it better than anyone. My mom used to rock out to some old school music when my sister and I were kids, and Whitney always topped the list. The other hot artists on the list? Chaka Khan, Janet Jackson, UB-40, and my boy Luther Vandross. Now that is a childhood worth living. Speaking of my childhood...


WHEN THE HELL DID I GROW UP?
I am now living in a house, with my fiance, getting married this year, with a best friend whose baby is due next week...what gives? Now don't get me wrong, I love my life, and to be honest, I still crave Sunny Delight and laugh at fart sounds, but I swear one morning I woke up and I was living the real-life version of Tom Hanks' in "BIG". I wear suits and ties and drive to work and take conference calls on my Bluetooth...wtf? Can't I go back to the days of YooHoo, patched-up jeans, and arts and crafts time? Speaking of arts and crafts...

WHERE ARE THE CUSHIONED SCISSORS?!
Will someone please tell me why someone hasn't invented scissors that have soft cushioning on the insides of the thumb and finger-holes? Or if this exists, please tell me where I can find them! I mean, seriously, you cut more than seven items, and you're hand is shot, has random bruising on the sides of your fingers, and you dread cutting anything else! And when you're helping make your Save the Date cards and invitations, we're talking a couple more than seven! Shouldn't 3M or some company like that just have a monopoly on this stuff?! Speaking of that...


WHY DO I SUCK SO BAD AT MONOPOLY?!
Why do I suck so bad at this game?! Whether it was playing as a kid with my sister (much smarter sister, I should add) or with Julie at home...I'm not sure I've ever won a single game, ever! I'm serious! Whether I take the strategy of buying up every property, or making bank on some houses and hotels, or relying on excellent rolling skills to land on Free Parking and passing Go, I always get my ass handed to me. It's never even close. I always end up being the guy (actually, I always choose the Top Hat piece) who picks up the dice, looks at the board, and realizes that landing on Income Tax or Chance will be my only non-death options. The worst part is, I still enjoy the game! I'm a sucker for good board games. Which brings me to...

WHY AREN'T THERE ANY GOOD, NEW BOARD GAMES?
Now, I know I have a bias as I loved all of the board games from my childhood (click here to read my post on nostalgic board games), but c'mon, someone has to come up with a good new game? I don't claim to be creative enough to do so, but I haven't played a good new board game in forever! If you have suggestions on good board games, please post your comments on this blog post for me to explore! Speaking of posting comments...

DOES ANYONE ACTUALLY READ THIS BLOG?
I swear, I have maybe five readers (holla!), and they probably check this once a month these days (which is my fault, as my posting has been sightly suspect as of late). If you are reading this, and either enjoy the content, or are a glutton for punishment and subject yourself to reading my gripes, let me know if you're reading this at all, and if so, what you like and don't like! I could rant and rave about anything, but I'm not sure it's worth it if no one is reading it! Speaking of ranting and raving...

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FILL UP A BAG OF POTATO CHIPS WITH LESS THAN 50% AIR?!
Now I know this is not a new concept or complaint for anyone, but HOLY HELL, this is ridiculous! I don't care whether it's a personal size small bag of Doritos, or a party bag of Ruffles...the fact that I have to go elbow deep in that greasy bag to reach the first chip is annoying as hell. These are supposed to be bags of food, not hot air balloons! I wonder if the chip bag manufacturers are actually well-intentioned 'do-gooders' on a mission to eliminate obesity and junk-food habits in the U.S. in order to promote healthier lifestyles? Probably not, but speaking of healthy lifestyles...

I, MARC SAWYER, JOINED A GYM!
No, I'm not going five days a week and dead-lifting and bench-pressing tons of weight like the ultimate machine you all know me to be...(I actually couldn't stop laughing as I wrote that line). I joined it because I wanted to be more active and decided that playing racquetball would be a great, fun way to keep me busy! So I'm playing racquetball 1-2 times a week, and man did I forget how intense that game can be! I've got the welts and bruises to prove that I still don't choose the best route to the ball, but it's fun nonetheless! Speaking of long words like "nonetheless"...

WHO MADE "NONETHELESS" ONE WORD?
It's three words...when did it become one? I'm just gonna end on that question.